I found a bikini and watch me rock it!

First full picture of me in aaaaaaaaages. I'm so proud of myself.

Hi lovelies,

So, following on from my previous post on bathers and bikinis (and steering away from the huge amounts of nail posts recently), I am proud to announce that I know have purchased one. Yay! While it is unfortunately not the one mentioned in the previous post, it is still pretty good. Or at least I think so.

See – I even took some photos. I'm sorry about the weird colour of the water. While it was veeeery blue, it was not that blue. However, all the other colours came up true to life so I have no clue what's up with the water. Mayhap water is my camera's weakness. That would be a bit sad. I don't really want my camera to have a weakness....

Anyway, I was really putting off these photos until I had found my sunglasses and thankfully, they turned up today. I was not particularly thrilled about taking pictures without my sunglasses. Sometimes, one needs a decent (ginormous) pair of sunglasses.

See - sunglasses can make all the difference.

I’ve had mixed comments regarding my new swimsuit. My mum was really trying to persuade me to get a tankini, but I stood my ground. She said it was because of the sun coverage, but I did notice she didn’t make the same comment to my other sisters, whom are not quite as large as myself… Freckles said she liked it, which made me feel a little more relaxed about the whole thing, while I don’t think I even got any comments from the other two. Other than that, nobody else seems to have commented, which is both good and bad. Good because at least they are not shattering my already delicate self esteem, but bad because it makes me think they don’t like it but are too polite to say so. And I know that they are allowed to not like it, but it makes me think that rather than them not liking the bikini, it’s that they don’t like me in it. All which leads to self-doubting thoughts and nasty commentary from inside my head….

Look at my progress in self love - I'm even acknowledging my flabby belly :)

However, I like it and even though I find it hard to be in public with it, I’m still glad I got it and I’m still happy to wear it. I have to admit, I found it more challenging than I thought I would (obviously my radical self love is not as high as I thought), but I’m glad I’m doing this anyway. It’s sometimes a challenge, but it’s worth it, for me. It’s worth the nasty commentary and self doubt just to be able to wear something for me, not for anyone else or because I feel like I should wear it because of my body type, but because I want to. And for me, that makes the struggle worth it.