Dear Society Part 3

Hi everyone,

Okay, I swear this one is the last one. I fully intended this to be just one post, but it sort of spread out and out and out and suddenly, it was three! If you missed Part One and Two and you would like to read them, you can find them here and here. Oh, and remember, I’m not an expert in the field of eating disorders, nor do I claim any scientific backing behind my words. These are my words and my feelings on my personal experience.

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 Dear Society,

So, what can you do? How can you change and become someone that we feel comfortable with? These are the questions you should be asking yourself. If you’re not, please re-read my other letters until you feel this way. Because, we need you to feel this way. We need you to be behind us 100% so that our health can come first. Look at what you’ve done for smoking. Smoking is something that poses significant health risks to a person and can severely reduce their quality of life. You’ve banned smoking in a lot of public places, got rid of smoking adverts and have even started anti-smoking campaigns. Smoking education is major in schools in Australia – every child in Australia, by the time they reach the age of 12, will know the risks and consequences of smoking. It’s fantastic. Attitudes have changed. Smoking is no longer seen as fashionable, cool and attractive. Instead, it’s dirty, smelly and dangerous. Now, thanks to this, the majority of smokers that attempt to quit do. However, only a mere 30-40% of people with eating disorders ever recover. A fairly shocking statistic. That’s why we need your support in order to recover.

We need a society where ‘thin’ is not idolised. Only a tiny ­2-4% of people have a natural BMI of under 20. We need a society where ‘healthy’ is idolised. Not fake healthy that means ‘eating clean and training mean’ but real healthy. Healthy that sees joy and happiness, with rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes. Healthy that allows you to be whatever size your body is most comfortable at. You need to lose the obsession with ‘eating right’. They is no ‘right’ way to eat. Everybody is different but really, you need to learn the golden rule that recovers from eating disorders live by daily: ‘No Restriction’. Ever. You eat what you want, when you want it, because you want it. The body is smart – trust it. It knows what it’s doing. Everyone has a set point and believe me; your body likes it there. It will keep you there if you just allow it to do it’s thing. We need a society in which salad does not equal good and a chocolate muffin does not equal bad. Chocolate and ice-cream needs to stop being ‘sinfully delicious’ and instead become just plain old ‘delicious’.

We need a society that doesn’t glamorise eating disorders. They are not glamorous, they are life-threatening. People with eating disorders are not the epitome of restraint and control – often thay feel completely out of control. There is no long, slow acceptance of wasting away; it is a constant and eternal fight between the body and the mind. Comments like ‘she’s so lucky to be so thin, she must be anorexic’ need to go, as does things like the ‘Anorexic Diet’ and the term ‘wannarexic’. It makes me sick to the stomach to think of the thousands of people out there who want an eating disorder because they think it is good way to lose weight. No no no no no. A thousand no’s.

We need a society where ‘fat’ has different connotations. We need to remove the connotations of laziness, ugly, disgusting and unnecessary. Instead, we need to acknowledge that fat is important, fat is necessary, fat is not a storage unit – it’s an organ. Calling someone ‘fat’ needs to stop being an insult. Society, you need to lose your fear of fat. Fat is not bad. Fat should not be shameful. You need to stop saying things like ‘chub’, ‘fluff’, ‘wobbly bits’ and ‘tub’. It’s just fat. So call it that. Fear of the name only increases fear of the thing itself. Fat is not derogatory. If someone is fat, then say it. Don’t say ‘large’ or ‘ample’ or ‘rounded’ because they’re not. They are fat. And there is nothing wrong with that. Also, ‘fat’ needs to stop being ugly. The phrase ‘you’re not fat, you’re beautiful’ is stupid. The two are not mutually exclusive. One can be both beautiful and fat. In fact, some might argue that someone is beautiful because they are fat. Imagine that! That is what we need from our society.

We need a society that promotes acceptance. Freedom to be yourself and still feel wonderful. You need to lose the thousands of rules that govern what people can and can’t wear. Fat girls can’t wear short shorts. Thin girls can’t wear low cut tops. Men with beer bellies can’t wear speedos. Older women can’t wear crop tops. They are all stupid. All of them. What it should come down to is whether you feel comfortable and, more importantly, whether you feel happy in yourself. We need a society in which we are allowed to be ourselves and not be judged on it. Whether that means covering yourself up from head to toe, baring it all on the beach, wearing bright blue lipstick or having pink hair, we should all be accepted. Whether you’re a men wearing men’s clothes, a man wearing women’s clothes, a woman in woman’s clothes or woman in men’s clothes, everyone deserves a society in which everyone’s choices are accepted.

We need a society that has body positivity, not body shaming. From such an early age we are bombarded with ways on how to make our body ‘good’. We are told that by themselves, our bodies are imperfect and ugly. That we have flaws that need to be fixed. Growing to hate our body, to become fixated on the flaws, to compare it to others and always find ourselves lacking – it’s almost a rite of passage that marks the transition from child to adult. It’s as if we are not truly an adult until we can see and hate the imperfections of our own home. We do not need this. We need a society in which being an adult means that we are happy in our bodies and see them as beautiful, or at least have accepted them as ours, and as something we need to look after. A body is not like a house. You cannot simply tear down the walls, demolish sections and rebuild from scratch to create the perfect mansion you’ve always dreamed of. However, you can decorate. Splash on a lick of paint, cloth it in expensive fabrics and brand and mark it as your own. We need a society in which every body is beautiful, no matter what shape or size it is.

People with eating disorders need that from our society. We need that support. But not only that, but everyone needs that support. Everyone needs to, and should, feel accepted and attractive in society. I will do my bit to change you but it has to bit a joint effort. I cannot change you if you are not willing to help me do that. Will you help me?

Sincerely,

Lissa Spelt, society changer