I Have Some Really Confused Ideas About Exercise | Exercise Part 1

Hi lovelies,

So, exercise. I have so many mixed feelings on exercise it's not even funny. Or mildly amusing. It's actually just very, very confusing.

And just on a quick, definition-y note before we get started, I'm talking about formal exercise here. The term 'formal exercise' refers to exercise that's done with the primary goal being to exercise, rather than to socialise or to get places or stuff like that. So I'm not counting things like walking to work/school and I'm not counting social outings. Like, I go ice-skating with my friend about once a fortnight, and while that is exercise (skating around in circles for a couple of hours does burn calories) we do it because it gives us a chance to catch up and do something a little different, and because it's fun. But it's for socialising, not exercise, primarily, so I'm not counting it under the umbrella term of formal exercise.

Got that? Yes? Okay, lets move on.

But before we crack all these different feelings, lets recap my experiences with exercise...

Fair warning - my exercise stories are not going to be happy jolly gold-tinted things and joy. Also, who even looks like when running. When you look like me, running fucking hurts! Source here

As a kid, I was always very active and my parents were very keen for me to take swimming lessons and surf club - which I am incredibly grateful for. Those early lessons around water meant that I know how to read the ocean and that I'm comfortable in and around water. For me, this is so important when living in a country like Australia. However, as I got a little older, I stopped swimming lessons because I learnt all I could without going down the route of competitive swimming, which I wasn't willing to dedicate 6 sessions a week to. I liked swimming, but not that much. So instead, I focused on surf club, which I loved, for the first couple of years. But, like swimming, it got very competitive as I got older, and by the time I had done it for three years, I had had enough. But I wasn't allowed to quit. Instead, I had to do it for another two before I completed the junior levels and my dad allowed me to stop because I wasn't interested in going competitive nor did I want to become a life saver.

Although, it is a pretty sweet beach. :)

I really resented those last two years. I didn't find it fun and I wasn't learning anything new - all we were doing was training for competitions that I hated. Looking back, I think what really made me hate it so much was that I didn't get any choice. Stopping was never an option. What I wanted in this matter didn't matter - my dad said that it was good for me to do it and so do I had to. It was also very, very inflexible. I distinctly remember I went to a friends 13th birthday sleepover on a Saturday night, but even that didn't allow me a reprieve of one session off. Instead, Dad hustled me out her place at quarter to eight the next morning, without allowing me to stop for breakfast and off I went. It didn't end well. I discovered quite soon that no breakfast and high intensity cardio was not a good mix for me. I made it two hours before being hustled to the first aid room and vomiting spectacularly all over the floor and then was hooked up to an oxygen tank.

True story. It was disgusting.

Inflexibility, harsh, demanding and rigorous. Those would be the first terms to spring to mind when I think of formal exercise when I was younger. Of course, that's presenting a very one sided perspective. on the other side, when I loved it, I really loved it. I loved the feeling of strength, of power building in my muscles. I liked being good at something - and I was very good at surf club when I was still enjoying it. I loved the rigorousness and structure of a session gone right. I loved the water and I loved learning new things, new techniques and having fun. Exercise gives you endorphins - that means it's good, right?

Actually, now that I'm looking back on this with a clinical eye, when I look at what I really liked about my surf club and swimming days, it's not really a surprise I moved onto martial arts. I stopped surf club just after I turned 14 and was allowed about 6 exercise free months before I joined Tae Kwon Do. Note here that I said 'allowed'. From my perspective, I still didn't really have much choice over exercise. My parents started giving me subtle, and then not so subtle hints about finding some other sport about 4-5 months after I gave up surf club. I always knew that I'd have to find something else to do, I couldn't stay exercise-less forever (at this point I was still walking about 3-4km a day for school and did sport twice a week at school, but nay, that didn't count. Or at least, not to them).

I joined Tae Kwon Do with my sister and a friend and I already had one friend doing it - she was the one to recommend it to me. And I loved it. I really, really did. It was rigorous, it was disciplined, it had structure, I never felt like I stopped learning, it taught me actually useful things, the people were lovely, the belt system meant that I could tangibly measure my progress and it gave me the feeling of strength. I loved being stronger.

I out lasted both of my friends and sister there. I was there for about 3 years and I really, really loved it. There were times when these two sessions a week were the highlights for me. I was happy because I loved it. My parents were happy because I was doing exercise and because I loved it.

But, unfortunately, some good things aren't meant to last.

Stay tuned for part two where we discover what happens when all of my dad's beliefs about commitment (see surf club story if you are confused about what he thinks) get incorporated into my beliefs and if that's not enough, let's add an eating disorder and exercise compulsion into the mix!

Find part two here.

Until then,






P.S. - Also, I'm alive! Even though you wouldn't know it from the state of my blog recently. I would apologise but I'm really not sorry. I've been in a pretty good place recently and I just really wanted to enjoy that and not think about my blog for a while. But I am back and I am glad to be. :)