Hi lovelies,

A couple of weeks ago, I received my order from Fake Tattoos, which is a Scandinavian based company that sells, obviously, fake tattoos. I hadn't even known you could get nail tattoos until I saw this post over at More Nail Polish. I immediately went, 'that is so cool I want some!'. Luckily, I was able to get some on sale and guess what?? They do free shipping worldwide. :)

I bought the Ocean Design and Bird design, both of which I am very happy with.

Gel and Acrylic - What is it anyway?

Hi lovelies,

So, exciting news.... I've got myself a youtube channel! I'm really excited about this and I've even got my first video up. :)

Since starting training to be a nail technician, I've learnt a lot about nail enhancements (not hard, as I literally didn't know anything when I started) and I've discovered that a lot of people are in the same boat as I was before I started. As in, we'd heard about them, but didn't really know what they were.

So I've put together a video talking about gel, acrylic and shellac, hope you enjoy! If you do, please give it a like and subscribe!

What's in a Name Anyway?

Hi lovelies,

This is a post I've been thinking and toying with the idea of writing for a long, long time, and each time I've dismissed it as too hard and not necessary. But, as my blog grows older and I grow with it, I'm feeling like it's a topic I need to discuss.

When I started this blog, way back on the 5th June 2013, I didn't expect it to last. It was my second attempt at blogging (the first just ended up being forgotten about and ignored after a while) and to be honest, I didn't really expect it to last either. I thought that I would just do i for a while and then just forget about it like I did with the other one. And yet, here I am, almost nine months later, with me still posting. I know I'm not the most reliable blogger in the world, and I know that I can, and will disappear for days and weeks at a time, with no explanation, but I really want to change that. Having this blog has really given my own place. I place where I can write about the stuff I want to and that I'm interested in, as well as connecting with people that blog about amazing stuff.

Source here

When I started this blog, one of my main goals was to use it as a way to track my recovery progress as I moved out of anorexia (you can read my whole story in the My Disordered Story tab at the top, if you're interested). It was also a place for me to escape my life and be somebody else. Because of that, I took another name. Taking another name helped me to separate the shit that was happening in my real life and that i couldn't control, with my blogging life, which I could control. It was as if I created another identity - my blogging one and my real one. Which, in itself is stupid, because they are both real. They are just two separate halves of the same person.

However, as my real life becomes better, I'm leaving my eating disorder behind, I'm now on anti-depressants, I've graduated high school and left a lot of shit behind there, my blogging persona and real life persona become similar. I feel now that I'm more willing to share the fact that I blog with people in real life and the fact that I blog under a different name makes it a little difficult to explain. Also, I feel now that I'm lying to you guys, the ones that know me only as Lissa Spelt, the ones that came to listen to my silly ramblings and don't know me as anybody else. The fact that you are there, and that you are listening, means more to me than I can say, and I feel, now that my personas are melding into one, that I owe you guys the truth.

I don't understand it, but the snake is cute. :) Source here

I chose Lissa because I liked it, and because it was a shortened version of Melissa, which was one of the names that my parents were considering to call me. I've always liked Melissa and always had a connection to the name, but shortening it to Lissa gave me the feeling of control. I was taking control over something that I had never had control over - my name.

I've always been someone that needs control but it's only recently that I've realised this. Looking back over my life, it's fairly easy to recognise this trait throughout my life, but it took me a long time to accept that needing control is a trait of mine.

The last two years of high school, which is when I started this blog, were tough for me and felt out of control for a good deal of that time. When you start recovering from an eating disorder, it's one of the first things you have to give up. You have to give up control of your crazy rules, your beliefs and the control of your own food because you are literally too sick to make decisions. Being at a very prestigious school for academic achievement also didn't help. During year 12, I felt like I was out of control all the time - I just did what other people told me to do, I wasn't allowed to make choices, everything I did went towards something bigger. I felt like school ruled my life - it had the control over me.

Source here

I also was scared during this time. I was scared of people that I knew finding out that I blogged. I was scared of my family finding out that I blogged. If I took another name, it reduced the chances that they would find out. To be honest, I doubt it really stopped them from finding out - I'm sure they all saw various pages that I'd left open on the computer and I know it came up on my favourites page and I'm sure they wondered why I suddenly started taking photos of food and watermarking all the pictures of my nails. I know for a fact that Opinionated is out there, reading what I'm writing now because I saw my blog open on her iPod once (hi sis! You can stop pretending you don't read this now). But again, it gave me a feeling of control. I felt like there was something that I controlled in my life (and to be honest, when you look at the other choices I've made in my life to regain control, this one is fairly healthy.

I'm now also thinking I might like to branch out a little bit from just blogging. I have tumblr and pintrest for my nails (I promise I'll add a link to them soon) and I'm considering going over to youtube as well. Do I know what I would make videos about? Nope. Maybe some nail art tutorials, otherwise, no clue! It's just that, one of my closest friends has just told me she has a youtube channel and after seeing her videos, it makes me want to do my own (and if you're interested in checking her out, she's there as OwlsandBiscuits). Anyway, the fact remains, the more I want to integrate my real life into my blogging life, the harder it is and the worse I feel about maintaining two separate identities.

But, what I do want to make clear is that I'm not making things up or changing facts. Everything I post as Lissa is true - it's just the name that has been changed. And that is partly why I've held off blogging about this for so long - I'm just so afraid that people will see me as a fraud, a liar and a cheat. You guys that follow me, whether on tumblr, pintrest or blogger mean a lot to me and I don't want to lose you guys, simply because I'm coming clean about my name.

This is me, fresh from the pool, about to make lunch.

So, hear goes. My name is Dani. It's short for Danielle. It's origin is French and it means 'God is my judge'. It's a really boring, run of the mill name. It's not different and a little it quirky like Lissa (which I really liked), but it's my name. It's what people call me when I'm out in the real world. And I'd like you all to know.

As for my blog, I don't really know. I think I might keep posting as Lissa, but maybe not. Maybe Lissa was a persona that I took to hide behind when I couldn't cope with the real world. Maybe she is somebody that I've outgrown now, although she'll always be apart of me. Maybe she is my online persona or maybe I've grown tired of hiding and am ready to accept that this is me, and yes I have problems, but I'm not afraid of telling people that. All that I do know is that I feel better for writing this and I feel good about stepping up and coming clean.

Pretty please, and I'm really asking you this time, please let me know what you think of this. How do you feel? I said I felt better for writing this, and it's true, but I'd also like some reassurance that you are not too deeply offended. If you are, please let me know anyway. I really want to know what you think about this because it was such a personal post.

Dani xxxxxx

Summer Strawberries, On my Nails

Hi lovelies,

Why is it that no matter how many posts I write, titling them never gets any easier?? It's really hard to think of something that tells people what the post is actually about, but without sounding ridiculous or boring. I suppose out of the two, I'd go for ridiculous over boring though...

Anyway, onto the actual post. As you may have guessed, it's just another nail post. Today's theme is strawberries, which you've probably also figured out. (I'm not very good at being eloquent today either).

Valentine's Day....

Hello lovelies,

So, as you are all aware, I'm sure, it was Valentine's Day a couple of days ago. And I know this is definitely a little late, but deal with it. :)

Anyway, I've always had conflicted ideas about the day, and so I thought I'd share them with you. :)

When I found out the origins of Valentine's Day, it became a lot less happy hearts and flowers for me. Valentine's Day commemorates St Valentine of Rome and St Valentine of Terni, both whom were martyred during the Roman Empire. The two were Christian and were executed for practicing Christianity and trying to convert others to their faith, instead of the Roman's paganism.

Source here

A Beige French look in Albany

Hello lovelies,

Here is my promised second part to my previous post here.

Continuing on from my neutral look with flowers, I went for a beige french look, with a bit of bling. To be honest, I don't actually like it very much. I don't really like beige, and I much prefer a pink French look a beige one. The only reason I used beige instead of pink was because I hadn't brought a pink with me. But, I also wanted to try out the beige I had bought while I was there (because it would come in handy for nail art).

Vines and Flowers in Albany

Hello lovelies,

Man, nearly another week has passed and I have not posted at all... My weeks seem to go so fast! Between my nail course (two days a week), a lot of practice and homework for said course and lots of work, I never seem to have any time. Isn't that ridiculous? I used to blog more regularly when I was at school five days a week, with days starting at 7:30, sometimes 6:45 and not ending till 7-8 at night (after homework and study), plus all saturday morning band... I need to start getting organised. :)

I Had to Buy Pants for Fat People And the World Didn't End..

Hi lovelies,

Three weeks ago, I started my nail course in order to become a qualified nail technician. As part of the uniform, I had to go out and buy black professional pants and black shoes.

How I wished I would look in black pants. Source here

I was a little dubious as the last time I wore tailored pants was for school and the reason I stopped wearing them was that I thought they made me look fat. But, I was more excited about looking professional and starting the course than about how I felt 3 years ago. However, when I got to the shops and was perusing the racks, looking for pants that said 'short length', one pair stopped me in my tracks. They said 'short length, wide leg'.

My brain immediately went 'Pants for Fat People, Pants for Fat People! Put those down immediately! You'll get contaminated and ARGH! Run! Run far away! You really need to out them down! NOW!'