I came across the term 'emotional hangover' a couple of months ago and I could not believe how apt this description was. I have long known that the morning after an emotional breakdown are terrible, terrible things, but had no clue how to explain this concept to someone that has never experienced one.

In case you don't know, emotional hangovers are what you get when you have a pretty rough, emotion-filled night and the morning after is a horrific ball of pain, fuzzy eyes, foggy heads and sore everything.

For the longest time, I thought all this was something that only happened to me, but then one of my friends mentioned that they always felt the same way and then I came across it happening in a book and it was great! Well, great in the fact that I wasn't the only one that felt like shit the next morning as well as the night before, not that lots of other were going through some shitty times themselves.

The reasons behind having an emotional hangover are varied and mostly depend on individual people. Maybe you were particularly upset the night before. Maybe you'd been around people for a long time (parties, celebrations etc) and suddenly found yourself all alone. Maybe you had just been feeling rather lonely the previous evening. There are so many different things that could contribute to having an emotional hangover. While the first can take you by surprise, after a couple you begin to notice a pattern, whether it be in symptoms or triggers and knowing these can help you to better survive and prevent the next ones. Personally, I only really suffer them after an night of heavy crying (actually sobbing would probably be a more apt description here) and general self-loathing and hopelessness, but then that's just me.

Anyway, after experiencing a particularly vicious one a couple of weeks ago, I thought I would put together a little list of tips and advice on how to get through them and how to prevent them from happening quite as badly the next time.

In Sickness and in Health

Hi there everyone!

So I got a little sick a while ago. It was nothing major, just a very mild stomach bug. In fact, it was so minor that I didn't even vomit, nor have to call in sick for work (although I did come home an hour early one day).  It was basically just 3-4 days of general stomach soreness and nausea. Just enough that I didn't feel like doing anything, thus missing out on an opportunity to do another Halloween nail design and spending a fair amount of time lying down and generally feeling a little grossed out by the thought of food.

In big scheme of things, it was legitimately nothing.

But it really threw me. It affected me much more than it should have. And not just because I really don't deal well with nausea. It really threw me mentally.

Over those 3-4 days, I had a very small breakfast on all of them and had a small lunch one day and a tiny dinner once or twice. Which, is totally normal when you are sick in the stomach and food just seems a little repulsive - it's not nice feeling.

However, those couple of days with very little food broke down a lot of firmly built mental walls in my mind. In case you didn't know, I've recently updated my little bio (it's on the right under my picture) and my Disordered Story page to change my 'recovering' status to one of 'remission'. And let me tell you - I felt great being able to do that. When I made that decision, I really felt like I'd made it. I hadn't had an disordered thought in months and I couldn't actually remember the last time I consciously restricted in any form, whether it by large amounts of exercise or reducing food intake.

But anyway, back to my Mental Barriers.

They were pretty strong and very firm. I was very separated from my eating disorder. I was a free woman.

Source

But then I was eating very small amounts of food for a couple of days. And once again, I'll reiterate - that was not a disordered action, it was due to a stomach bug. It was purely physical. But the effects were mental as well.

I started catching myself thinking how about how nice it was to not to have to be thinking about eating, about how much weight I could lose if I just ate a bit less and how I was silly to be eating more when obviously I could get away with eating less.

Self Care Help Package

Hello my darling lovelies,

I thought that this post was fairly timely to do, as I have emerged again from the cocoon of my own mind and am taking an interest in things around me once more. I've had a bit of a rough time recently, but fingers crossed the worst is over and things will be looking up.

However, I know that life won't always be going up for me, and I know I will crash down again - it's what happens when you deal with depression. So, what I thought I'd do is put together a little post on self-care and things that I find help me when I'm struggling. And, before you starting clicking the exit button, I'm not going to be telling you to 'get some sleep', 'go to the gym' or 'eat healthily'. Those tips are bogus, or at least, that's what I think. When I feel like crap, I don't want to be told to 'make myself a nice salad' or 'shake up my routine by surprising my spouse at the office'. Because I fail to see how eating a salad will make me not depressed and because I, along with a lot of people, don't have a spouse. I'm not joking, those were tips I found while doing some research.

Some Science Behind Eating Disorders

Hi lovelies,

Lately, I've been feeling rather misunderstood. I feel often that I'm not taken very seriously by both my family and many people that I know. Recently, my mental stability has been teetering on the balance between 'Mostly Sane' and 'Fairly Unstable'. I feel a lot of this has had to do with the fact that my illness's that I struggle with are being undermined in their seriousness. While depression and anxiety are not too badly covered in today's society (although no where near as well as I'd like them to be covered), eating disorders are often and very badly understood. So I decided to pull together a little of the information I've learnt through my struggle with anorexia and maybe help you guys understand a little of the science behind these eating disorders - the actual brain chemistry.

People are often under the impression that eating disorders are a choice. That we choose to restrict, to purge and to over-exercise in the pursuit of our ‘perfect’ body. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve heard anorexia be called the ‘Rich White Girl’s Disease’. Not because a high percentage of anorexia sufferers happen to be white females from developed countries, but because it’s seen as a choice – a way to seek attention and gain recognition in our world.

Thinspiration

Trigger Warning! This is not a happy post. This is a very long post and may be triggering to those with an eating disorder. If unsure, please do not click the 'read more'. Don't torture yourself if you think it may be triggering. Just back away. Take care of yourself. xx

I have a confession.

Last night, I did something I’m not proud of. Something I knew was wrong. Something that was not going to make me feel better. In fact, it probably made me feel worse. But I did it anyway.

I googled thinspiration and I googled pro-ana. I spent a good hour and a half trawling through tumblrs, blogs and help sties dedicated to becoming thin and how to live with an eating disorder.

Why?

Because I was already feeling like shit and I wanted to torture myself.

How stupid.

Oat Cups!

Hi hi hi!

I thought it’s high time that I got another post up – it’s been about a week, I think? Although it seems so much longer……

This week has not been one of my better ones… The pressure from school is driving me to breaking point, as is my hunger.

Today, not so good...

Today, and yesterday I wasn’t doing so good. I’d felt so empowered earlier this week, and I was so ready to do something about my life. I was ready to take action to rid myself of my ED for once and for all.

But then, my momentum ran out. I crashed. I didn’t do so good yesterday and today. At first I didn’t notice. But then, I caught myself restricting again. I noticed that I began making excuses for why I shouldn’t be eating that much, or that I shouldn’t be eating again as I only ate 3 hours ago. And I was like, no. I am not going to let my depressed mood and my ED break this progress I’ve made. And that’s when I saw this picture (from here).

And it resonated with me. I cannot be making excuses. Or, more precisely, I cannot be letting my anorexia make excuses for me. No way. So, I’m back on track. Or at least much more back or track than I was this morning (seriously, I expected one small bowl of granola and yoghurt at 8:00 to sustain me until 12:30?). No way. Tonight, I had pizza – just to give my ED a kick up the backside as pizza was something I have feared for so long (that much carbs and fat (from the cheese)). Okay, sure, it was a wholemeal pizza with a ginormous amount of vegies, but it was still pizza.

And for that, I’m proud.

xxLissa

Today, I ate...

Today I ate.

And that is the stand out point for me. I was hungry and so I ate. And do you know what? I didn’t think about it. Not one bit. Well, maybe a little. A little tiny bit of me screamed ‘you can’t eat all that food! You’re insane!’. But I didn’t listen to it. I said ‘Oh yeah… Well watch me’. And with every mouthful of my (deep breath) bananasmoothie,bowlofnuts,bagofpopcorn,steamedmushroombun,crackerswithpeanutbutterandbanana,chocolateslice,handfulofseeds,glassofmilk (phew….) I thought ‘I am taking care of my body. I am giving it the food it needs and the nourishment it requires. I am loving myself’. And you know what? This started off as just an afternoon snack. But I was so hungry. It was like an hour before dinner and I still had room for a good portion. And you know what? I felt fucking amazing! I felt liberated. I feel like I just won a battle. And you know what?  I did. I won. I beat that eating disorder. I said ‘Hah! I don’t need you. I am eating and it feels goooooooood!’

I love myself. I don’t care that it sounds pretentious. I really do. I feel fabulous. I feel amazing. I feel fantastic. I feel like a friggin’ goddess!

Remember: There is never such a thing as eating too much in recovery. Your body is screaming for help. It wants the food. Be kind to it. Love it. Nourish it. And friggin’ enjoy it. Enjoy every mouthful for what it is – one step any from death, from kidney failure, from osteoporosis and one step towards life. Glorious life. Wonderful life.

Eat gorgeous eat. You deserve it. Go, go go!

xxLissa

Some Gratitude and Peanut Butter

Hello lovelies!

 Did you know that today, something struck me? Something that I know, and that I try to tell myself everyday, and yet don’t really know. This morning, I was standing in the kitchen scarfing down my breakfast and it suddenly occurred to me how lucky I really am. My breakfast this morning consisted of banana and homemade peanut butter on homemade sourdough toast. For me, that’s everyday stuff and I take it for granted that my house will always be stocked with homemade bread and homemade peanut butter. For lunch, I had homemade marmalade and homemade yoghurt (obviously not together) and I know that if I want one, there is a homemade chocolate biscuit that Freckles (my second youngest sister) has made. For me, these occurrences are natural – it’s just a given of living in my house that you will never be short of things like this. And yet, for so many, homemade basics and indulgences are things of imagination, found in somebody else’s house – not theirs.