Hi lovelies,
I hope you are all having a good week. This post is something I've been sitting on for a while, a sort of half formed idea that took a long time to manifest into a coherent post and then has been sitting around on my computer for even longer before I decided to post it.
Why?
Because I feel that maybe it doesn't fit with my blog, but then, it is my blog and I can do what I like with it, can't I? And also because I don't know what people will think of it. Will it come out the way I want it to? But then, again, it is my blog and I can't pander to the whims and desires of everybody, if I did, I wouldn't be here typing this to you. I guess I just feel that this is an issue and struggle that I'm still working through at the moment, rather than one I feel like I've worked through and moved on a bit from (like my exercise series) and I don't want to hit a wrong nerve with anyone because I don't have that secondary, past perspective to tamper and soften some of my ideas.
But then again, it is my blog, and this post is as good as I'm gonna get it and when I started this blog, I made a promise that I was going to be honest. And this is me being honest. I hope you enjoy and if you do, if you could let me know via commenting that would be amazing and if you didn't like it, I'd still like to hear why (I think.....) and if you have your own experiences, I would especially love to hear them!!
So, let us start at the beginning of this saga, shall we?
I've always had big boobs. It's just part of who I am. To be honest, I can't actually remember what it was like to not have big boobs.
I started wearing a bra at 12 after about a year of resolutely denying the existence of my growing chest and went straight into a C cup. No trainer bras or cute little crop tops, just boring t-shirt bras. Also, I think my mum was always a bit embarrassed when we went bra shopping, so I never even had the courage to ask for cute bras and so I only even ended up with really boring ones.
From there, my boobs only got more and more out of control as I increased right up to an 10E by the time I was 15, which was the smallest band and biggest cup we could find.
And to be honest, up until that point, I didn't actually think about them.
It might seem a little odd to you, and it certainly seems odd to me, now that I'm looking back at it, but I honestly did not think about them at all. Like, sure, they were there and sure, it took me a while in the beginning to acknowledge the existence of my chest in my head, but honestly, although they contributed to a large proportion of my weight, size and shape, they didn't really occupy a lot of mental real estate. Well, except for that one time when I was 13 that they did, and that was my first experience of feeling real shame about my breasts. My friends had been desperately quizzing the boy that I liked friends about why he liked me and one of them, (obviously trying to be funny), had replied that it was my chest, obviously. When I heard this, I felt just awful. All this time I had been going along thinking people liked me because I was smart, nice, friendly, funny (in my opinion anyway - some people will argue with me on this) while instead, a large part of my attractiveness came from the fact that my boobs were nice to look at. For two whole weeks I slouched around and wore loose, really high-necked things in an effort to hide these massive lumps that suddenly were my enemy. Thankfully, that only lasted two weeks before I came to my senses and realised that whether I liked it or not, I had big boobs and people were going to notice that. And so the issue was resolved and they stopped being an issue for a while.
I mean, they was always the light-hearted joke and comment from my friends, but they were okay. Actually, most of them were pretty stupid - one of my closest friends asked me whether I could actually fit anything in my breast pocket in my school shirt. Well duh? That's why I wear a bigger size shirt than you? And also, they are made of fat, meaning that they are squishy. Honestly.
And so, the realisation that people were going to notice my boobs whether I wanted them too or not became my new motto. I gave up on the high-necked things and basically wore what I liked and what I thought looked good. Which mostly meant low-cut, fairly tight shirts because they looked best and were super-comfy. Also, if you do have big boobs, you will also know that high-necked things do not work. It makes your boobs seem bigger because it gives them the appearance of starting at your neck and not ending until your waist. Not really what I'm going for most days. But equally, I never let that stop me from wearing turtle-necks because I really like them. :)
In a way my new motto ended up making me a lot more casual about my boobs. I became way less stressed about shirts slipping down and exposing some bra because, well, what did you think? That I wasn't wearing one? I was way more casual about making jokes about them and others making jokes about them because honestly, some stories were pretty funny. I got over my friends going crazy with my bras on sleepovers and using them as hats because, whatever - it's not like they didn't know I have big boobs.
And then, bra shopping took a turn for the better and that was super exciting!
I had been shopping at Myers, but they didn't have a very wide selection. Well, they had a lot of bras in sizes 10-22 in cups AA-E and sometimes F but not a lot outside that range.
Anyway, I found a shop in Perth that catered specifically for large breasted women and I finally got bras that fit. Amazingly, they stocked band sizes that went lower than 10 and cup sizes that went higher than an E!! I got my first proper fitting bras at a size of 6FF. I was over the moon! No more did I have to search rack after rack after rack to find one bra that mostly fit. Instead, 4-5 bras were brought to me, and they all fit and all I had to do was choose which ones I liked best. And, I could even get cute ones!
Anyway, that was 3 years ago. During that time, I lost a lot of weight and one of the things I was so happy with about being at such a low weight was how much more in proportion my boobs looked. I mean, I probably only down to a 6EE at my lowest of low weights but for me, that's way more in proportion than I was used too. But staying at that weight was going to kill me and so I started recovering and putting on weight. Unfortunately, I ended up 4 sizes larger than I was before, at a new size of 6HH.
This was now when my boobs began to really occupy large areas of mental real estate. I was in a very rocky place in regards to my self esteem and my opinions on my body used to fluctuate daily and about 70% of how I felt about my body came from how I felt about my boobs. If I woke up and my boobs hurt, or they looked too big, or I had to wear an ugly bra, that was my whole self esteem out the window for the day. It took me months and months for me to come to terms with my new size of 6HH.
But I did come to terms with it and for a while, I was quite happy with them. Well, as happy as you can be. I still complained about them to friends and clothes were always an issue, but I dealt with it.
The problem then was that I got more and more 'jokes' about them. My motto was still intact - for the most part I did what I wanted and they just had to come along for the ride and deal with it but some other people obviously didn't like my motto. I'd always had comments like 'Pull your shirt up Dani or someone will fall down it' but now it was worse than ever. Mostly it came from my parents, things along the lines of
'Pull your shirt up or your'll end up with a free lunch'
'How do you expect him to concentrate on his job if you're dressed like that'
'If you go out looking like that people will think I'm a bad parent'
'Well no wonder you're cold, if you wore something sensible you wouldn't be'
Just so you know, I'm not actually in the habit of dressing like a strippogram - which is the image I'm getting from these comments. I actually dress like a regular person, leggings, jeans, tight t-shirts, button down shirts, singlets... You know, regular stuff. But apparently, everything changes when you have big boobs. Having big boobs means that pretty much everything you wear can be perceived as provocative. And I don't like it. But equally, I'm not going to let it stop me from wearing what I want. And to be honest, I've lived with my massive mammary glands for so long and they have caused so many problems that they stopped being sexy at looooong time ago. In fact, I don't think they ever were. I mean, I like boobs as much as the next person and everybody else's look great! But I couldn't give a toss about mine.
Anyway, so everything was fine and dandy-ish until I decided I needed new bras because they were old and my boobs were not quite fitting in as well as they should have been. I was really hoping that was just because my bras were old, not that my boobs had gotten bigger. Because, to be quite honest, while I had come to terms with my current size and was actually quite happy with them on a day to day basis, I definitely didn't want to be any bigger.
Unfortunately, when I went to get new ones, we discovered that yes, my boobs had gotten bigger.
But not just one size bigger. Oh no, that would just be to easy to deal with.
Instead, they had gotten three whole cup sizes bigger.
And suddenly, I am back at square one. I am now at a size where it is not just difficult to find a well-fitting bra, it's damn near impossible. And I should know. My lovely little store tried it's very hardest, but were only able to provide one bra that fit (and I hated it - it gave me pointy boobs on par with Madonna's) and a couple that might fit, depending on whether the band size runs a little small or the cup run a little big. And on the whole of the great big wide world of the internet? I managed to find two others. Just two. And both are black. What's with that?
Just like that, they are back on the forefront of my mind.
So no, I don't always hate my big boobs and no, I don't generally wish I had smaller ones. Yes, I also acknowledge that people with small boobs have problems and issues with their boobs too and yes, I am totally up for listening to you complain about your problems. Ranting and raving is always allowed in my space. No, I would never put you down or belittle your problems about your own chest (or at least not on purpose - if I do it accidentally you can totally call me out on it). But having big boobs is not solution to things. It doesn't guarantee you a boyfriend or even attention from boys, if that's what you're after. And sometimes, it really really sucks.
And so when I complain about my boobs, I can promise you with absolute and utter-complete sincerity that it is in no way, shape or form, a humble brag.
I hope you are all having a good week. This post is something I've been sitting on for a while, a sort of half formed idea that took a long time to manifest into a coherent post and then has been sitting around on my computer for even longer before I decided to post it.
Why?
Because I feel that maybe it doesn't fit with my blog, but then, it is my blog and I can do what I like with it, can't I? And also because I don't know what people will think of it. Will it come out the way I want it to? But then, again, it is my blog and I can't pander to the whims and desires of everybody, if I did, I wouldn't be here typing this to you. I guess I just feel that this is an issue and struggle that I'm still working through at the moment, rather than one I feel like I've worked through and moved on a bit from (like my exercise series) and I don't want to hit a wrong nerve with anyone because I don't have that secondary, past perspective to tamper and soften some of my ideas.
But then again, it is my blog, and this post is as good as I'm gonna get it and when I started this blog, I made a promise that I was going to be honest. And this is me being honest. I hope you enjoy and if you do, if you could let me know via commenting that would be amazing and if you didn't like it, I'd still like to hear why (I think.....) and if you have your own experiences, I would especially love to hear them!!
So, let us start at the beginning of this saga, shall we?
I've always had big boobs. It's just part of who I am. To be honest, I can't actually remember what it was like to not have big boobs.
 |
| Source |
I started wearing a bra at 12 after about a year of resolutely denying the existence of my growing chest and went straight into a C cup. No trainer bras or cute little crop tops, just boring t-shirt bras. Also, I think my mum was always a bit embarrassed when we went bra shopping, so I never even had the courage to ask for cute bras and so I only even ended up with really boring ones.
From there, my boobs only got more and more out of control as I increased right up to an 10E by the time I was 15, which was the smallest band and biggest cup we could find.
And to be honest, up until that point, I didn't actually think about them.
It might seem a little odd to you, and it certainly seems odd to me, now that I'm looking back at it, but I honestly did not think about them at all. Like, sure, they were there and sure, it took me a while in the beginning to acknowledge the existence of my chest in my head, but honestly, although they contributed to a large proportion of my weight, size and shape, they didn't really occupy a lot of mental real estate. Well, except for that one time when I was 13 that they did, and that was my first experience of feeling real shame about my breasts. My friends had been desperately quizzing the boy that I liked friends about why he liked me and one of them, (obviously trying to be funny), had replied that it was my chest, obviously. When I heard this, I felt just awful. All this time I had been going along thinking people liked me because I was smart, nice, friendly, funny (in my opinion anyway - some people will argue with me on this) while instead, a large part of my attractiveness came from the fact that my boobs were nice to look at. For two whole weeks I slouched around and wore loose, really high-necked things in an effort to hide these massive lumps that suddenly were my enemy. Thankfully, that only lasted two weeks before I came to my senses and realised that whether I liked it or not, I had big boobs and people were going to notice that. And so the issue was resolved and they stopped being an issue for a while.
 |
| Source |
And so, the realisation that people were going to notice my boobs whether I wanted them too or not became my new motto. I gave up on the high-necked things and basically wore what I liked and what I thought looked good. Which mostly meant low-cut, fairly tight shirts because they looked best and were super-comfy. Also, if you do have big boobs, you will also know that high-necked things do not work. It makes your boobs seem bigger because it gives them the appearance of starting at your neck and not ending until your waist. Not really what I'm going for most days. But equally, I never let that stop me from wearing turtle-necks because I really like them. :)
In a way my new motto ended up making me a lot more casual about my boobs. I became way less stressed about shirts slipping down and exposing some bra because, well, what did you think? That I wasn't wearing one? I was way more casual about making jokes about them and others making jokes about them because honestly, some stories were pretty funny. I got over my friends going crazy with my bras on sleepovers and using them as hats because, whatever - it's not like they didn't know I have big boobs.
 |
| I really love this picture. Source unknown |
I had been shopping at Myers, but they didn't have a very wide selection. Well, they had a lot of bras in sizes 10-22 in cups AA-E and sometimes F but not a lot outside that range.
Anyway, I found a shop in Perth that catered specifically for large breasted women and I finally got bras that fit. Amazingly, they stocked band sizes that went lower than 10 and cup sizes that went higher than an E!! I got my first proper fitting bras at a size of 6FF. I was over the moon! No more did I have to search rack after rack after rack to find one bra that mostly fit. Instead, 4-5 bras were brought to me, and they all fit and all I had to do was choose which ones I liked best. And, I could even get cute ones!
Anyway, that was 3 years ago. During that time, I lost a lot of weight and one of the things I was so happy with about being at such a low weight was how much more in proportion my boobs looked. I mean, I probably only down to a 6EE at my lowest of low weights but for me, that's way more in proportion than I was used too. But staying at that weight was going to kill me and so I started recovering and putting on weight. Unfortunately, I ended up 4 sizes larger than I was before, at a new size of 6HH.
This was now when my boobs began to really occupy large areas of mental real estate. I was in a very rocky place in regards to my self esteem and my opinions on my body used to fluctuate daily and about 70% of how I felt about my body came from how I felt about my boobs. If I woke up and my boobs hurt, or they looked too big, or I had to wear an ugly bra, that was my whole self esteem out the window for the day. It took me months and months for me to come to terms with my new size of 6HH.
But I did come to terms with it and for a while, I was quite happy with them. Well, as happy as you can be. I still complained about them to friends and clothes were always an issue, but I dealt with it.
 |
| Source |
'Pull your shirt up or your'll end up with a free lunch'
'How do you expect him to concentrate on his job if you're dressed like that'
'If you go out looking like that people will think I'm a bad parent'
'Well no wonder you're cold, if you wore something sensible you wouldn't be'
Just so you know, I'm not actually in the habit of dressing like a strippogram - which is the image I'm getting from these comments. I actually dress like a regular person, leggings, jeans, tight t-shirts, button down shirts, singlets... You know, regular stuff. But apparently, everything changes when you have big boobs. Having big boobs means that pretty much everything you wear can be perceived as provocative. And I don't like it. But equally, I'm not going to let it stop me from wearing what I want. And to be honest, I've lived with my massive mammary glands for so long and they have caused so many problems that they stopped being sexy at looooong time ago. In fact, I don't think they ever were. I mean, I like boobs as much as the next person and everybody else's look great! But I couldn't give a toss about mine.
 |
| This is quite literally what my bras started saying to me. Source |
Unfortunately, when I went to get new ones, we discovered that yes, my boobs had gotten bigger.
But not just one size bigger. Oh no, that would just be to easy to deal with.
Instead, they had gotten three whole cup sizes bigger.
And suddenly, I am back at square one. I am now at a size where it is not just difficult to find a well-fitting bra, it's damn near impossible. And I should know. My lovely little store tried it's very hardest, but were only able to provide one bra that fit (and I hated it - it gave me pointy boobs on par with Madonna's) and a couple that might fit, depending on whether the band size runs a little small or the cup run a little big. And on the whole of the great big wide world of the internet? I managed to find two others. Just two. And both are black. What's with that?
Just like that, they are back on the forefront of my mind.
So no, I don't always hate my big boobs and no, I don't generally wish I had smaller ones. Yes, I also acknowledge that people with small boobs have problems and issues with their boobs too and yes, I am totally up for listening to you complain about your problems. Ranting and raving is always allowed in my space. No, I would never put you down or belittle your problems about your own chest (or at least not on purpose - if I do it accidentally you can totally call me out on it). But having big boobs is not solution to things. It doesn't guarantee you a boyfriend or even attention from boys, if that's what you're after. And sometimes, it really really sucks.
And so when I complain about my boobs, I can promise you with absolute and utter-complete sincerity that it is in no way, shape or form, a humble brag.
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