Why I Am Going to be Rocking a Bikini this Summer..

Hello everyone.

Well, so much for being a dedicated blogger and what not... I had exams and school was finishing and I was feeling pretty bad (no actually I was feeling like a fucking load of shit), so blogging took a definite back seat. But, I'm back and life seems to be looking up (but more on that later). This post I found from a couple of weeks back from when I was feeling a lot better, and so I thought I might post this, in the whole it might cheer me up a little.

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Hey guess what everybody?

I can feel the summer arriving! Yay!

While winter is all well and good (no not actually, I don’t really like it but I know it is necessary for the survival of an ecosystem yada yada yada), summer is really where my heart belongs. The scorching heat, the dry days, the sounds of crickets chirping in the background, the balmy evenings, the hours upon hours spent in the pool, at the beach, just lounging and swimming. I just love the way life slows down for summer in Perth. People move slowly, the days pass slowly, everybody is lethargic, trying to remain as cool as possible.

Don’t get me wrong; sometime the heat really is unbearable. I’m talking a full week of 40+ degrees, everyday. That is hell. Also, when you actually have to do things – school, work, gardening (why would people even choose to garden during the summer?!). But, for the most part, I really love it.

With this as my local beach, why wouldn't I want to go swimming?

And, this year, I’m even more excited for summer – simply for the reason that I get to wear bathers and go swimming! I know, not really something most women (and probably men) look forward too, and in the past, something I dreaded with the best of them. However, this year, something is different. I’ve changed. I’m slowly recovering from anorexia and along with that, gaining some much-needed body confidence. I have always hated my body in the past. I saw it as fat, short, ugly and just all around disgusting.

I have never worn a bikini in my life. Ever. At first it was because my mum mostly chose my bathers and she didn’t want me, nor my sisters to wear them. The reasons were fairly acceptable – two pieces meant more to lose, higher chance of sunburn and more ties for small fingers to do. However, as I got older and I had more choice, I never chose a bikini. Partly because they had a tendency to fall off (probably because I wasn’t tying the ties tightly enough) and partly because I wasn’t comfortable in them. I didn’t want to force other people to look at my unsightly body – I honestly believed I was doing a public service by keeping my body covered up. And on and on it went. I always covered up this by just saying ‘Oh, they don’t stay on me very well’. This worked especially well after I got boobs, as a lot of department store bikinis literally wouldn’t fit over my sizeable bosom.

It was definitely the worst in the very depths of my restriction, when I would just make up reasons not to go swimming – ‘I’m studying’, ‘It’s not hot enough’, ‘I don’t have time’, ‘I’m on my period’ – simply because I couldn’t stand the thought of having other people witness my disgustingly fat body. At this point, I was at a BMI of about 15.

But then, I started recovering. I found the body positive movement and I saw pictures of women that were not ‘beautiful, not fat’, but beautiful and fat. I saw pictures of fat women in bikinis (like Jes over at the Militant Baker) and I thought, ‘yes, I can do this’. I’ve moved on from what society says I can do and instead am embracing what I say I can do. And I say I can wear a bikini and look awesome in it.

I know that some people (including my family, me thinks) doesn’t agree but I have let go of what they think. They are not me and they don’t know what I’m feeling. Nobody really knows what I’m thinking except me.

I haven’t found a bikini yet, but I’m still trying. Actually, finding any sort of swimsuit in my size is pretty difficult, my boobs have sort of spiralled out of control after I started recovering. My ribs (predictably) are the same size as they have always been, a size 6, but my boobs have expanded rapidly from an F cup to a HH cup. As you can imagine, there are not many places that stock bathers in that size…. Although, I am looking at this one from Curvy Kate, what do you think?

Can be found here

To be honest, this post didn’t really have a point other than to go on about my story to body acceptance and to mark another point to my free, happy and fulfilling life, regardless of what size I am. Oh and also because I would love to hear your thoughts on the topic. :) What are your thoughts on swimsuits and the swimsuit season?